Friday, November 2, 2012
Witchcraft, Wizardry, & Freeway Exits
I missed the freeway exit. Which wouldn’t be a big deal, except for the fact that it’s the exit I take to go home. Every day. Same exit. I could say I was talking on the phone, or pretending I was the next Beyonce, or looking for my sunglasses all of which I do on a regular basis. But, none of those things happened. I just missed it… and I glanced out the window and watched as the familiar scenery passed by. I should have waved, but instead my mouth dropped. I did it, again. Yes… again. And again…
I’m 99% convinced that while the humans are sleeping peacefully, dreaming of their familiar commutes to work and home. The freeway exits move. They change direction and location. They might as well be the staircases at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry.
Now, it has been suggested to me that I use a GPS or Siri. That would be an excellent suggestion if Siri wasn’t a witch and the GPS (which I’m told is already installed on my phone???) wasn’t sorcery. They stress me out and I end up pressing buttons that shouldn’t be pushed and then Siri yells at me in her monotone voice. I try to retaliate and I talk back to her, but she just tells me the carpet needs vacuuming. Witch. The buttons that I pushed on the GPS suggest I take a left turn to Hong Kong or some other weird place. I give up.