Conversations I have with my seven year old...

Sometimes it's rough being a gangsta

Caler - "Sometimes I just want to be an alligator."

Caler - "If Michael Jackson was still alive do you think he'd love me?"

Momma- "Unless I'm being stung by a jellyfish, I won't appreciate being peed on.”

Caler – “You have to get peed on if you get stunged by a jellyfish? Awesome!”

Momma – “You’re feet smell like something from a dump in the middle of a hot desert at noon.”

Caler - “Wanna smell em’??”

Momma - “I love you. I don’t love your tantrums.”

Caler - "My tantrums don't love you either."

Momma - “I swear if I step on another Lego, I’m throwing them all away.”

Caler “I bet you can’t even find them all til you step on them silly momma”.

Caler - “I love you to Florida and back. That’s a lot mom. That’s more longer than to the moon.”…

Momma -  I just cry in response.

Momma - “Please don’t hit your brother." (Repeat 5 – 100 times daily)

Caler -  “I won’t if he stops being so ridiculous. ”

Momma – “Please don’t climb the railings? I’m afraid you’re going to fall Spiderman”

Caler -  “Spiderman doesn’t fall, he uses his webs and flies through the sky.”

Momma – “You make my heart smile little man.”

Caler -  “You’re heart can smile? You’re like magic momma!”

Momma - “What should we do today Caler man?

Caler - “let’s drive to China and then come back home.”

Caler - “Hey momma guess what?”… “umm guess what, hey momma guess what!”

… twenty minutes later I’m still waiting…

Caler -“smell my armpits Momma, if you don’t get sick I don’t need a bath”

Momma – “Boys are disgusting, get in the bath!”

Caler - “Bed times are for babies like Ayden.” 
Momma - “Caler, Ayden is older than you.”

Caler - “Bed times are for older kids.”

Caler – “ Working for the US government makes me not have friends. I think they’re jealous.”

Caler - "Did you wash my Shark costume? My superiors will not be happy if it's still dirty" 

FOLLOWING PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCE:

Momma – “Caler do you know why break dancing isn’t ok to do in the middle of class?”

Caler – “because then my teacher will want to break dance too, and that wouldn’t be fair to all the other kids?”

Momma – “yes, and also because you’re there to learn Caler man… you can break dance at home.”