Friday, December 28, 2012

Unkind Words....

Speak, verbalize, Gossip, Talk, Whisper, Shout, Judge… Cry, Weep, Wallow, Question, Shed Tears.

Words can hurt. They sting, they linger, and they haunt. They make you doubt and question who you are. They make unwelcome tears well up in your eyes and momentarily blur how you view yourself. You wonder silently to yourself “could they be true?”

It stings a little more when these words are whispered among those you love best. When the words conversed are said behind your back. 

Last night after hearing some very unpleasant news, I had a dream and, unlike most of them, I knew this dream’s meaning.

We gathered around in celebration of my youngest child’s birthday. In warm light cast through open windows there were balloons, cupcakes, and loved ones scattered around our home. I was hustling and bustling to make sure all the details were finished and he was having the time of his life. Snapping lot’s pictures to capture the sweet moments of my baby boy growing a year older. I caught the little stinker dipping his finger in the frosting to sneak a taste. I caught the children running around not wanting to be “it”. I caught parents gazing lovingly at their little ones. Stacked presents and crepe paper decorations littered the table to await his little hands.  Sisters. Sitting next to each other arms around the other. I could not for the life of me make my camera snap. I pressed the shutter down only to hear the beeping sound that alerts a problem. There was a problem.  The love of these sisters could not be captured. It could not be saved. The problem seemed overwhelming. And the moment seemed to be fleeting. I was worried it was going to disappear before I had a chance to capture its magic, its sparkling magic. And as the seconds ticked by… so did the moment. It was gone. I was left with a camera capable of saving every loving moment except one that means the world to me… the love between sisters.

It’s moments like these that I know I am tested and I’m thankful I have a strong sense of self and that I am secure in knowing who I am and who I am not. 

I am not mean, I am not heartless, and I’m not a get-them-back type of woman. Of course I feel those feelings. And sometimes, I want to lash out and say hurtful things back to the offending parties to let them know just how deeply their words have cut my heart. But I won’t. I'll call or email my best friends instead, and explain how I feel about the offending parties and perhaps spill a list of their wrongdoings (I should work on that...). Every time a thought crosses my mind signaling a left turn. I will remind myself that I hate left turns. I’m not good at them. I don’t want to retaliate and make them feel the way I feel. I want them to know that I am strong. That I love them regardless of the way they feel. What would I be teaching my babies if I gave in to those left turns? I will stick to right turns.

 As much as I want to shield my children and prevent any kind of hurt, I want my kids to understand that this world is not fair. I want them to be prepared. To have an army in their beautiful souls ready to fight off any opponents they come across on their journey. There are going to be mean people and hurtful things are going to be said about them. I am teaching them that it is ok to cry and feel the natural feelings of betrayal. But that they have strength and the power to rise above. I am teaching them to hold strong to the values they have in their hearts and know without a shadow of doubt darkening their sky’s that they are amazing, beautiful, talented, compassionate, strong,  and loving young men.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

A Wonderful Christmas time...

My kiddo's gave me the most amazing gift EVER... they let me sleep til 8:23! It was glorious and magical and everything I'd dreamed of!

I hope all of your Christmas's were beautiful and spent with the ones you love most.

Here's a peak into what Christmas looked like for us.

1.) My beautiful babies bought me a lovely book called 'Bloom" By: Kelle Hampton. They know how much I adore her blog . It's chalked full of inspiration drawn from the unexpected moments in life. She chooses to embrace the beauty that comes from life experiences when others might opt not to... her story is beautiful and full of growth.

2.) My music baby got his wish.. a guitar! He, being the fast learner he is, has already picked up on quite a few chords. I can't wait to watch his talent bloom and flourish. And I hope his hands stay little and chubby. I just love chubby kid hands!

3.) "OH MY GOSH MOM!! SANTA GAVE ME A MINI I-PAD!!! I knew he was real! Because you are way tooo poor to buy this!!!"  - Caler says to me with a grin as big as China! It's not a mini iPad. It's actually, a $50 7"tablet I scored late late LATE on Black Friday ( I didn't even need to take a Xanex to help me get through the hustle and bustle of shopping on that terrible day I dislike passionately.)

4.) My sweet SWEET family! Oh how I love you! Christmas Eve night was spent with my cousins who emanate and live the word Family. They truly make my heart smile and I love them so very very much! This is Santa (aka: my Auntie Tina). The loving big guy stopped by to spread Christmas cheer to the sweet babies who were being so very patient.

5.) Myna & Papa gave my kidlets remote control MONSTER TRUCKS. I mean how AWESOME!!! I can't wait to play... I mean watch the kids play with these things!!!

6 & 7.) Starting a new tradition this year, my boys and I wrapped and bundled our way to the Olympic Oval to skate our hearts out! And we did just that. I won't forget the way my pigeon-toed seven year old ran across the ice Fred Flinstone style. I shall call him twinkle toes and he shall be mine three-ever and ever.

Ayden took to Hockey Skates as if he was born with them. ( He wasn't... trust me I was there.) Proudly with his chest high he said " Hey mom! Watch me! look at how amazing I am!" And he is. He is amazing.

8.) Ayden is also an artist. A very very shy but very very talented artist. I think it's his Asperger's that contributes to his attention to the very last detail. I love it and I can't wait to hang his art on every wall in our home.

Merry Christmas to all of you!!!!!

Friday, December 21, 2012

Thongs & Coffee... in that particular order.

It had been a long night. So a piping hot, sweet, caffeine-injected beverage is what was going to happen before I could manage to make it in to my office.

I hopped out of my car and raced in to the beautiful establishment known as Starbucks.  Every single customer was staring at either the menu board or their smart phone. Not wanting to feel left out I, too, stared at my smart phone pretending to be doing something very important. It wasn’t 3 or 4 minutes of waiting patiently in line that I felt a small tap on my shoulder.  Surprised, I turned toward the tapper. He hesitated a moment before saying this:

I’m sorry to bother you Miss, but you have a thong stuck to your shirt. I thought it’d be inappropriate if I took it off and handed it to you.”

(and yes Momma, I’m referring to the shoe…)

I blushed, not that this should surprise anyone. I blush if I even so much as hear my name said out loud. I should have ran out of the store embarrassed. I didn’t. I tucked my (clean) thong in my purse and waited in line until it was my turn to order.

My white chocolate mocha with extra whipped cream was fabulous, thank you for asking.

**** later that day ****

It was lunch time and after enjoying some much needed Sushi and losing myself in a book for 45 minutes, I went to the register pay my bill.  I approached the counter and handed the cashier my ticket. As he typed away, I pulled out my wallet and that dang thong had attached itself to the wallet! Deciding to release itself, I could do little as I watched it fly a few feet and land on the ground in front of their appropriately decorated Christmas tree. The sweet Japanese man pretended not to notice, but his face grew a deeper shade of red as each second passed and my thong lay out in the wide open.  I nearly dived to pick it up. I shoved that thong back down into my luggage size purse and to make matters worse I said “Please excuse that. I forgot those were in there.” 

I’m fairly certain they were talking about me in Japanese… and not in a polite-what an awesome girl-kind of way.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

The Momma Movement...

Does this look familiar to anyone? Just me??? I don't think so. Be honest Momma's. Perhaps you see this scene (or one very similar) on your way home from the department store or even (and most often) from the grocery store? You know those times I’m speaking of… arms flailing out of the cart reaching for anything their tiny hands can grab. Items knocked off the shelf as they laugh mischievously amongst themselves. And, if your children are anything like mine, they've decided the middle of the isle makes a great WWE Raw stage.

You hold your ground, leave the store, with or without purchasing, and the drive home looks like the photo above. The words “momma, MOM, MOMMMMMMY, MOOOOOOOOMMMMMM” reaching a higher octave than ever imagined as each second passes. Upon arriving home you check the mirror to see that your hair has taken on the look of a Pomeranian puppy and it’s only 10:00 am (maybe that’s just me).  

You're a frazzled momma and all you really want is a maid, a nanny, a cook, a personal assistant, Dr. Shepard to give you a back massage, and a Dr. Pepper.

I’m a huge believer in rewards for good behavior and after surviving a traumatic trip to the store… I think we Momma's deserve a HUGE reward. And by HUGE, I mean 5 minutes of Momma time (let's be honest... as momma's that's a lot). I’ve decided to call this the momma movement. So to all you frustrated (at times) Momma’s… let’s band together and each take 5 minutes out of our day to eat chocolate, drink a Dr. Pepper, read a paragraph or two in our book, or do something just for us to celebrate our awesome selves. It’s time for a Momma movement.