Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Can I please be grounded?

I promise I won't talk on the phone, or do anything but sit on my bed.... I might even fall asleep early!

See, I really deserve to be grounded...

My Wednesday is Woeful…. Woeful Wednesday… I am full of Woe. I had a break down last night. On my un-mopped kitchen floor. I quite literally broke down into shoulder shaking sobs on the dirty kitchen floor after listening to Ayden repeat the word Mom increasing the octave and volume by the second, after a night of only 4 hours of sleep, after opening 5 unexpected bills, after walking into a living room full of cluttered craft supplies reminding me of the unfinished Teacher Appreciation gift that needs to be completed by Thursday, and after I broke my new favorite baby blue display dish holding banana’s (banana's that might as well have been bricks ).  It was the snap of the porcelain that snapped the floodgates and my tears flowed freely.

The Tuesday night Tear Jerker...

Momma's can sometimes have Temper Tantrums. And I did.  My head was throbbing. My feet were killing. My ears were ringing. I was forcing a smile I didn't feel. I was having a momma melt down.  In several moments of selfish thinking and relishing in self pity … I was cursing (or at least spelling out curse words in my overwhelmed brain) at my seemingly infinite problems.

How easy it is to fall victim to our own thoughts. How easy it is to give in to collapsing knees and sink to the floor with thoughts of how horrible life is. How easy it is to think that life is unfair. How easy it is to think that you are the only person suffering. It was that last thought that stopped my shuddering shoulders and slowed the water escaping down my cheeks in a steady stream.  I sat there, on the floor, for several minutes longer fighting the urge to ignore the voice suggesting the audacious idea it was going to be alright. Telling me to take a deep breath and grab my Gratitude journal.

Ten minutes went by and I was still fighting. I stood up, grabbed my journal and took a long hard look at line after line of extraordinary gifts I was blatantly ignoring in the name of Self-Woe. But really WHOA,  a sense of awe at all I've been given chased away the majority of what I was feeling. I literally pushed up my sleeves and stood to face my challenges. I checked on the boys who were now sleeping peacefully. I added a few calls to my To-Do List for the next day. I finished painting Ayden's teachers' gift (thinking to myself that his teacher is the true gift). The porcelain dish can and will be fixed. The crack I will see when I reach for a piece of fruit displayed amidst the baby blue will remind me of the moment I fought back the feeling of woe and replaced it, with whoa.


  1. Maybe if I used proper grammar, my question would be more favorably considered... MAY I please be grounded?

  2. Literally chills, Kristal. Thanks. I think we all need those moments and I've had my share of meltdowns on a dirty kitchen floor!! Thanks for reminding me to look at what I have. You're such a beautiful mother with such great insight. Those boys are so lucky to have you for their mom.

  3. You are amazing sister!! You are a strength to me and a constant example and reminder of the kind of friend, mom and person that I want to be. Remember that I am always here to lean on and in moments of despair I am here to remind you just how strong you are. Love you!

  4. What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

    Kristal, YOU are much loved.....